As a young man I took a great deal of pride in winning an argument.
Still do but now I understand that the relish I get from a well honed argument is often accompanied by an increase in distance from the “loser”.
The price I paid over the years really wasn’t worth the temporary smugness gained from pulling someone’s beliefs apart.
College was a hotbed of discussion, often going on into the night. Friendships were common and few lasted long so these Pyrrhic victories weren’t noticeable until after I started work.
Being known as a know-it-all, or often more succinctly as that asshole you don’t argue with soon forced me to back off.
Nonsense spouted in a staff canteen had to be ignored to avoid my becoming a social pariah.
This level of moderation actually stands me in good stead now.
For one, when we do Ashley’s school reviews Gill fields a lot of the questions while I sit back and listen and weigh up the attendees. On one such occasion someone form the local council was rail-roading us all into a course of action we hadn’t considered and really didn’t want. I sat and listened and when the time was right the Chair asked me for my thoughts. I duly shredded this person’s argument and concluded, with the school’s colleagues all nodding along, the best course of action which was actually the opposite of the council rep. It was deeply satisfying and all the more effective for my previous silence. She looked crushed.
At work, it also stands me in good stead as nonsense and rumours are often rife. Not joining in is often wiser than ranting with the folk who spout half considered poorly researched opinions. It also means managers will seek me out for my opinion, simply because I don’t often make it widely known.
I think the pertinent quote is:
It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool,
than to talk and remove all doubt of it.
Maurice Switzer
